these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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