i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
