Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
