I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the gays at disneyland are vicious
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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