you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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