Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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