You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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