I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if only i could text you this smell
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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