Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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