I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
