...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
