He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
