worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
