where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
