TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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