I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The adults are the big ones right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
