Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
