I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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