there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
