That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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