I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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