Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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