If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize