So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize