yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
