You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
