is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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