when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
