Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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