We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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