my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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