Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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