I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
a search helicopter?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
