trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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