She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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