They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
