She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
