Barsexuality is the new black.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
