eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
