note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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