Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize