I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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