The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I will pee on everything he values.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
