I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
