He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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