So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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