So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
