I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
