wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
