My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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