Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
