Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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