I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize