come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
