i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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