we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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