I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
