I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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