How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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