My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize