I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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