Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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