sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
