how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
