Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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