This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize