you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
