so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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