You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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