I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
