I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize