So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
